Reaching the surface.

Recently I've been struggling. Struggling with my walk, struggling with what I'm called to do, struggling with being the person I was meant to be, just flat out struggling. I started to question everything. If I was really called to do this. If this was really the right decision. If I should date this guy. If I should really go to church here.  I honestly felt like I was drowning, and I had no idea how to get back to the surface for air. The only things I was sure of were that my friends were in my life for a reason, my family would always love me, and Christ would always love me.

Thank God for Kara Pappilli, though. I'm giving her the credit for helping me out of my slump. We had seen a billboard advertising an event where Rev Run was going to be speaking at People's Church in OKC. Obviously, we wanted to go. However, it was a long time in the future, and we eventually just forgot. I assumed we missed, but last week Kara remembered and found out that we hadn't missed it. So, we went, and it was amazing. It was completely awe inspiring. We were packed in a room, surrounding by people worshiping Christ with everything they had. First I was amazed. Then I was humbled, and finally I was embarrassed. These people were completely sold out to Christ with everything they had, and I wasn't willing to give up any part of my life for Christ. The service completely shook my world, and I had to go back. This week blew me away even more than last week. God hit me straight in the face. I was lost because I had an iron clad grip on everything in my life. I didn't trust God with anything. I wanted to control it all, but that wasn't going to bring me any happiness. I wouldn't turn to God because I was afraid of what it was going to cost me. I was trying to run my life on my own, but that doesn't work. I have plans, but God has greater plans. I know boys that I wouldn't mind marrying, but God hand-crafted one specific for me. I'm content to live a small, quiet life, but God has plans for me to change lives. I was struggling because I was afraid to let go of my life and let God have control. I wanted to take the safest route with the fewest amount of road bumps possible, even if it meant settling for something that was less than I dreamed of. That's not God's plan, though. The road might be scary and difficult and bumpy, but the reward at the end is so great that all the sacrifices pale in comparison. I was willing to skip out on blessings that I can not even imagine because I didn't want to risk falling or having to do something hard. I was so scared of failure that I wasn't even going to try. People's Church pulled me out of my slump, and if Kara had not remembered and been willing to go back this week, I would probably still be in my slump. So, thanks BFF, you helped put me back on track. 

Despite the factors that make going to People's Church seem a little ridiculous, I plan on going every Sunday. Although gas is expensive and the trip may seem unnecessary, I haven't felt this much peace about a decision in a long time. I feel connected even though I have only been twice. I feel fulfilled in a way I don't feel every Sunday. God is moving in that church, and I so desperately want to be apart of it. I may have to make sacrifices, but I'm willing to make them because that is where I'm supposed to be. I'm so thankful that Kara feels the same way I do, and that she is willing to do this with me. Because without her this would be so much harder.